What to have for dinner?
If you’ve been on TikTok recently, the algorithm might have answered the question for you in an unexpected way (and accompanied by a song): Girls’ Dinner. These videos featuring aesthetically pleasing snacks have garnered nearly 7000 million views (and counting), but not everyone is celebrating the trend with a glass of wine (alcohol or zero alcohol).
Some people believe that gendered meals have a larger, more complex meaning, with both positive and negative sides. There’s a lot to decompress here. Have a snack — or dinner, whatever you call it — and let’s get started.
What Is Girls’ Dinner?
Essentially, it’s an adult lunch — a plate of grapes, cheese, and snacks like popcorn, perhaps paired with a glass of wine. It’s a relaxing dinner to enjoy after a long day while watching Netflix (or reading a book or gazing out the window). Olivia Maher, an unemployed producer assistant currently affected by the WGA strike, made the trend popular. (She told The New York Times that the idea came about during a Spice Girls walk — a match made in TikTok.)
In a video in May, Maher told her followers,”A girl just came here and said that in the Middle Ages, farmers could only eat bread and cheese, how horrible that was,” Maher said. “She said,”This is my ideal meal. This is my dinner”
The camera moves to a row of grapes, two small slices of bread, cheese and a bottle of olives.
Siege is coming! Thousands of users then launched their (similar) versions of meals, sometimes with catchy slips and four-dot star emojis that usually signify something “magical.” Some layouts include wine. Others have plenty of popcorn or fudge rings. Generally, dinner for girls consists of carbohydrates, sweets, and salty foods. What this means depends on the individual woman. (Keep this in mind as we continue.)
Why Is Girls’ Dinner Controversial?
Some are quick to question the nutritional value of girls’ dinners and associate them with food culture.
“I support girls’ dinner. I understand. Girls’ dinner can heal your soul, but some… It looks like it’s low in calories,” the founder @siennabaluga wrote.
Some commentators agree, while others see another side to the trend.
“Girls’ dinner is an intuitive diet. If I’m not hungry for dinner, then I’m not hungry,” one of them said.
Another creator, Seema Rao, an art historian who posts to @artlust, argues that gender roles shape the way we look at dinner.
“The woman’s place should be in the kitchen,” Rao said in the video. “Good at cooking. By the ’20s, you’re already seeing a shift.”
Rao says single women in the ’20s and ’60s should “have it all”—an expectation that existed long before Sheryl Sandberg launched Lean In. They should have a career, look for a man, and miraculously cook dinner. Rao explains that these women later had children, and they embraced the ideas (but also added to the pressure to be slim, like the model in Calvin Klein’s video). But Rao says women today are rejecting those ideas.
“They have different goals,” Rao said. “They’re not trying to catch men. They want to be strong and healthy, and it’s more about self-defining norms. So, women are proud to be strong, or proud that they don’t cook, which shows that we are changing the norm before”
Reviewers gave Rao’s performance 5/5 stars, saying that the girls’ dinner was about self-care and enjoyment. It is a meal for a person to enjoy on their own, not a man’s or child’s meal.
One netizen wrote:”The girls’ dinner is the best – no one can please anyone but myself and can satisfy any craving.”
“This.” Another replied. “Also, on the topic of girls’ dinners: I fear that this means that we will not spend time taking care of ourselves, unless it is for someone else.”
A Woman’s View (Mine)
In addition to being a fan of Lunchable as a child, I also loved Starbucks bento boxes as an adult. My favorites were apple slices, cheese, peanut butter and bread. A few years before “Girls’ Dinner” became popular, when I felt overwhelmed and needed to piece together something from what was on hand, I would make a homemade version of cheese, grape and peanut butter on whole wheat English muffins for lunch and dinner or wanted to change my usual habit of eating sandwiches and salads.
The meal was fast, satisfying, and nutritionally balanced. I got fruit, protein, carbohydrates and calcium, even though the plate was a hodgepodge. I’m full. It’s also much better than what I’m doing now, which I guess we could call a “mom’s dinner,” which is eating what my kids leave on the high chair tray.
I will always maintain space and understanding of food culture issues. But it would be great if “Girls’ Dinner” was for busy or tired women who were able to get the nutrition and satisfaction they needed. If it doesn’t work for anyone else, that’s perfectly fine too.
I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts lately in which people think we need to stop referring to food as “fuel”–food is social, celebratory and enjoyable. Fair enough. I agree. But it’s not fair to say “food should be enjoyable” and then tell women that they “can’t enjoy that food“ if it’s something they like and fills them up.
So whatever you call your meal, I want it to delight you physically and mentally.
